


Waiting

by nemui (ribbonelle)



Series: The Same Way I Do [2]
Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Making Out, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 19:10:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11168244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ribbonelle/pseuds/nemui
Summary: To have waited for so long...it wasn't easy.





	Waiting

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this forever ago as well, and finished and polished it recently (still not so good but). it takes place after Shifting, the first installation in this series!
> 
> this must seem VERY out of character, because kija never truly complains about his hardships. but my whole thing (it's a series now but idk if i'll write more) is to let kija vent about everything, because it must hurt to love so much and not be loved back. to have waited so long... i'm letting kija vent.
> 
> this is very indulgent and super OOC in my opinion, but i just wanted to write jae-ha falling in love. i just want them. to be THere for each other.
> 
> also i think its a trend, angsty situations then just, making out. hahhaa ahhhhhh. i dont do these two justice

"Sometimes, when my thoughts are the ugliest," Kija whispers, quiet enough that Jae-Ha had to lean closer to hear,” I really think it’s unfair."

"What is?"

It was Kija's turn for the night to keep lookout. It was chilly and quiet and calm, and Kija had sat near the lookout tree and Jae-Ha didn’t feel like leaving yet. Kija had eventually leaned against him, and Jae-Ha had wrapped an arm around the man’s shoulders. It was good, sitting like this.

But there was something on Kija’s mind, and Jae-Ha waited patiently for Kija to share it with him.

"That she chose him, and he’s not even one of us."

Jae-Ha had expected it, and yet he was still surprised at Kija's thoughts. Kija was sweet and loyal and passionate, and it was always astounding to realize that he too was human like the rest of them.

"Do you hate him for it?"

"No, I,” Kija shifted away from him, but Jae-Ha didn’t let him go, "I could never. He’s…he’s family. But I just think that it’s unfair. We didn’t ask to feel this way, but we do, anyway. Did he not have an option? Did she?"

Jae-Ha watched Kija shake, just slightly. A few weeks previous, Kija would have never told him something like this. Too proper, too polite and righteous, and Kija didn’t trust him this much. But things had changed. And he understood.

"Love is kind of like that, though." he turned his head, just lightly brushing his nose against Kija’s silver hair, "You don’t have an option. It just happens, and you don’t have a say in what you feel. I’m sure it was like that for Hak and Yona. And even now, it’s difficult for them."

Kija had laid his dragon hand on his lap, and Jae-Ha traced the scales with his eyes. He wanted to touch. But not yet.

Kija’s voice was quiet, "Is that what you tell yourself every day?"

"Pretty much," he laughed, and loved the way Kija’s cheeks lifted with a small smile, “Though I suppose, to help it make sense in your terms...Hiryuu did fall in love with humans, didn’t he? He fell from the sky to be with them, despite his four loving brothers. I don’t think he chose to love the humans, either."

Kija didn’t say anything for a while. He exhaled slowly, leaning against Jae-Ha again. His human hand reached to grasp at Jae-Ha's clothing, as if needing an anchor.

"You’re right. You’re always right when it comes to this."

"That’s because I have experience, kid."

He was trying to make light of their conversation, because he didn’t like seeing Kija this way. There was something off about the man’s posture, his voice. It could be because he was still sleepy, it was a few hours before sunrise, but Jae-Ha was worried nevertheless.

Kija was still gripping his shirt, "I have…I have been waiting for her all my life. I have been waiting forever. And I know I wasn’t the only one but…You pushed your calling away from you, you lived your life, you were happy doing the things you did. Shin Ah had a hard, hard life, and I hurt for him every day, but he didn’t know what he was. He didn’t know of Hiryuu. And it must have hurt for Zeno too, but Zeno was there from the beginning, and even he loved and lost and I... Hak didn’t do any waiting at all, he was just coincidentally in her life and— I sound ungrateful, I’m the worst out of us, but all I have done was _wait_. From the moment I was born till the day Yona arrived. I’ve been waiting. Waiting for my king to take me away, to feel fulfilled for the first time. And this just…" he had pushed his face against Jae-Ha's chest, and he was shaking, "This is just painful. Sometimes I wish— " he stopped himself, and Jae-Ha pulled him closer, too, suddenly feeling as if everything could change if Kija let himself say the words he wanted to say. Jae-Ha knew it, he felt it, but they were too loyal and important to change things. Jae-Ha knew this. Kija needed to be their constant. He won’t let Kija break. He couldn’t.

Kija was breathing hard against Jae-Ha's chest, before slowly calming down. He leaned back a little, and Jae-Ha could see the weary lines in Kija’s beautiful face. Kija really was human too, after all.

"I apologize. I’m sleepy and my inhibitions are low. Please disregard what I said."

"Everyone needs to vent sometimes, Kija."

"I may have gone overboard. I’ve had it the easiest compared to everyone, truly."

That may be true. But everyone had their own experiences; really, Jae-Ha knew that best. "It still was your thing. Things only you would understand. It’s okay to be frustrated."

Sometimes Jae-Ha thought that it had been a mistake to let his thoughts known to Kija; they might have influenced the White Dragon to realize certain things he probably would’ve been better off not knowing. But Kija was strong, Jae-Ha knew. Kija shouldered the burdens of his predecessors like it was nothing. Perhaps Jae-Ha truly had been a bad influence for Kija, making Kija doubt himself somewhat, but Jae-Ha knew firsthand how it was important for one to at least let their feelings known, one way or another. If Jae-Ha was to be the person whom Kija would vent to, then he would happily be so. He would do a lot of things for Kija.

Kija was frowning a little, but breathed out quietly then, nodding a little. "Yes. I suppose you have a point. You should get some sleep, Jae-Ha."

"Trying to get rid of me already?"

"No!" Kija looked appalled, and Jae-Ha had to laugh; teasing Kija was the best form of entertainment. "It’s just…really late."

Jae-Ha smiled, "I’ll keep you company for a bit."

It had been a while since their night lookouts coincide this way. And Jae-Ha felt like he needed to be with Kija a little while longer. It made him feel better somehow.

Kija seemed unsure, suddenly, looking at his hands. Jae-Ha knew what that look meant.

"Um maybe. Maybe if you are willing, we could…"

He couldn’t say anymore, already blushing impossibly hard. He opted to lean up instead, pressing a kiss to Jae-Ha's jaw. Kija was unbelievably desirable at times. But Jae-Ha had to make sure Kija knew what he thought, too.

He tipped Kija’s chin up slightly; the white dragon obviously wanted to be kissed. He would, but after making his point, "Kija. I want you to know that I don’t want to be Not Yona, to you. I’m Jae-Ha. I know we help each other with these feelings but I don’t want to be a substitute."

Kija stared, before shaking his head, suddenly reaching up to cup Jae-Ha's face, "On the name of the Red Dragon, I won’t ever do that to you. You’re Jae-Ha. You’re Jae-Ha and you have been so good to me. You’re Jae-Ha and I'm aware."

He kissed Jae-Ha's jaw again, keeping his eyes on Jae-Ha's. Jae-Ha couldn’t help himself. He turned his head and caught Kija’s lips, kissing him. Properly, making Kija shudder in his touch. He loved Kija like this. Jae-Ha had been with many, men and women alike, but he had never felt such an overwhelming fondness for any of them before. Not what he felt for Kija at all. It was quite alarming, if he was honest.

Jae-ha reached for Kija's side to caress him there, just to hold him any way Jae-Ha could; and the pleased noise Kija made against Jae-Ha's lips was perfect. Perhaps Kija was feeling just as overwhelmed, as he put his arms around Jae-Ha's neck and pulled himself up onto Jae-Ha's lap, lost in their kiss. He was accepting and soft sometimes, but now he was assertive and passionate against Jae-Ha, kissing the Green Dragon into the tree trunk behind him, and Jae-Ha felt breathless. It was fascinating how quickly he could fluster Kija in their daily interactions, yet was utterly helpless when Kija got all demanding this way. Jae-Ha had never been submissive to anyone before. It had to be Kija who was doing this to him.

He had to laugh, even if his laughter was more of a shaky breath, breaking their kiss to murmur against Kija's cheek, "Okay. That's good. If that ever changes—”

"It won't," Kija cut him off, looking so determined that Jae-Ha had to relent, "I won't lie to you, and I don't lie to myself either. I promise, Jae-Ha."

Part of Jae-Ha wanted to reprimand Kija for giving Jae-Ha his word; Jae-Ha was never a fan of that, especially with things that one couldn't be 100% sure of, like emotions. He just kissed Kija again instead. Something was rising in his chest, something he didn't want to acknowledge; he'd rather get distracted by the lovely thing in his lap and their kisses rather than anything else. (It didn't explain why he did not want to be a replacement for Yona, but he refused to think about it just yet. Not right now. Maybe Kija wasn't the only one who needed to get his emotions sorted out.)

"Are you sure," Kija said in between kisses, his white lashes brushing softly against Jae-Ha's skin every time their lips shifted, and Jae-Ha felt a little overwhelmed, "Are you sure you don't want to sleep? We have a long journey tomorrow, Jae-Ha."

"But you taste so good, Kija."

Kija 's embarrassment was almost tangible, he made a little sound and then hid his face in Jae-Ha's neck, and the warmth in Jae-Ha's chest bloomed. He laughed, and Kija took revenge by reaching back with his human hand to tug at Jae-Ha's ponytail hard. Jae-Ha just laughed harder, and Kija bit him on the chin. Jae-Ha felt so airy, he didn't know what to do with himself. "I'll just sleep here," he said finally, rubbing at his chin as Kija huffed at him, "Okay? You can sit in my lap and keep watch."

 "You'll distract me, you fiend!" Kija slid off of Jae-Ha altogether, much to Jae-Ha's despair, “Thank you for your company, but I must insist you have some rest before dawn arrives." He was using his serious tone, so Jae-Ha couldn't really argue.

He leaned into Kija's space a little though, and pointed at his own lips, "One last kiss so I'll have sweet dreams?"

Kija gave him a displeased look, but granted his request anyway, kissing his lips once. Kija touched their foreheads for a moment afterwards, "Thank you for listening to me as well, Jae-Ha. It means a lot to me."

Jae-Ha was speechless, for some reason, as Kija pulled away with a slight smile. Would there ever be a moment where he would be accustomed to Kija in his entirety; his beauty and his words? Jae-Ha wasn't sure.

"You're welcome," he said with his own dazed smile and retreated to their tents. Kija looked ethereal under the moonlight, sitting by the tree. Jae-Ha quietly wished he could watch Kija forever.

Sleep came easy to him, and he felt calm thinking about how he would get to see Kija again the next day.


End file.
